"Never chase love, affection or attention. If it isn't given freely by another person, it isn't worth having"
They say never say never, but I think sometimes it’s allowed. Like in the situation, never chase people, period. It’s not worth all the headaches and time that you will be wasting. And trust me, if you ever chase anyone you will be wasting time. A matter of fact, you don’t have to listen to me, go ahead chase people and let me know the result.
We are all very different people in this world, and that’s what makes it very beautiful. However sometimes our differences also make us experience certain situations in life. For example, I know a particular girl, she loved this particular guy so much, but this particular guy was not so into her. She would go to the ends of the earth for him and he barely moved from his corner for her. She bought him nice things, takes trips to see him and of course he entertained it all but he was just not into her. She couldn’t see, she was blinded by whatever potential for love she believes exists between them. People would tell her that he doesn’t love her and she is wasting her time, but all that fell on deaf ears. Until one day, they broke up. He broke it off because there was another girl in the picture. Relentless to let up, she continues to chase, hoping that they will be together again.
They continued on an on-again-off-again relationship until he finally pulled the plug. He moved away to another country. Still she chases. The final blow was when he got married shortly thereafter to the same girl that was in the picture all along. The same girl, everyone was telling her about. And to add insult to injury, the girl who he married is quite unattractive in comparison to her. I’m not saying that if you are unattractive, no one should marry you but we live in a vain world and whether you want to hear it or not, physical attraction plays a big role in whether or not you find a partner. People even undergo extreme pain to look good. I know they say there is someone out there for everyone and this case might just substantiate that. Nevertheless, I feel really sorry for this person because heartbreak is no joke, but at what point do you say enough is enough?
As I said earlier, we are all different people and while some of us will run at the first sign of noticing someone is not treating us well, others will stay and fight a losing battle. It will be a losing battle as I have never seen anyone came out victorious chasing someone. Chase places you behind and if you are behind someone, they are certainly not paying attention to you. Think about that for a second.
There are so many other things in life to expend your energy on like writing blogs (lol) travelling, working out, spending time with people who actually care about you. So why waste it chasing people. If someone doesn’t want you to be a part of their life, let them go until the universe decides it’s time for your paths to cross again. In life people choose who they want to be surrounded by, allow someone to choose you based on their own free will. Sometimes people just have this undying need to belong, and this need actually blind their vision in determining whether or not they are actually wanted. Not everyone is meant to be in your life, and often people choose who they want in their life. If someone hasn’t chosen you, take note and let that person be.
Don’t force yourself to be their friend, don’t buy them gifts, don’t give them unjustified compliments, don’t try to be friends with their friends, just let them be. You gain so much power when you make people realize that you don’t need them and will not do any unnecessary things to get their attention or affection. Instead focus on the ones who have chosen to love you, treat them well and soon you will realize you are not missing a thing. It’s actually peaceful not chasing people but you have to make it to that point.
You see, people know when they don’t like you and often times they treat you that way. Learn to read subtle cues. For example, if you always say hi to someone but they have never initiated it, decide one day that that’s it, no more hellos and don’t feel any way about it. Similarly, if someone does not show excitement when you are around them, it simply means they are just not into you. Beware that not everyone will like you, no matter how nice, how kind, how loving, how pretty you are. Someone will dislike you. It’s fact. And as a result of that, you must learn to read between the lines before you become invested and find it hard to leave their life.
It happens all the time, we ignore all the clues and before you know it we are chasing this person without ends. They know it, long before you did, and as I said before, you may not know it but if someone dislikes you, they know and if they are genuine, they will show it. It’s not their job to decipher this though, it’s yours, as you will be the one hurting. Sometimes you have to love people from a distance, especially if it’s someone you’ve shared history with. Sometimes, it’s a wise idea to give people space, allow them to miss you, if they do, they will come right back, if they don’t well, that’s just what it is and you just simply move on.
Now I am not telling you not to try with people, but be smart, know when someone likes you and wants you around. Know when enough is enough. Have imaginary boundaries so you know when people have reached their limit in disappointing or hurting you. If you fail to do this, people will disrespect you and who knows you may begin to feel unimportant and that you don’t matter. If people like you great, but don’t let that determine yourself-worth. Practice self love, because when you love yourself, half the battle has already been won. I am pretty sure you are not that terrible, someone will find you to be likeable, even if it’s your pets.
The point is, you don’t need validation from others to make you feel good. It’s better for you to let those people go as they are opening the doors to toxicity and negativity. Similarly, you are compromising your own standards and morals that you have outlined for yourself (if you have any). Instead walk away and allow the universe to utilize your energy to attract people that will be valuable to you, people that will not use you, or pretend they like you because of what you can offer them, people that will like you genuinely and wants you around and generally people that will lighten life’s load.
Life is already hard, don’t invite people in that will make it harder. When you refuse to chase someone, you give entry to healthy relationships which might I add is very good for your mental health. On the topic of mental health, you should never allow anyone to interfere with this. If you are not mentally strong, you will never be able to function in a way that will be conducive to maintaining your inner strength or inner warrior. So take my foolish advice and let people go when they don’t show interest in you, don’t chase, never chase.
Don’t wish them bad, don’t envy them, just let them go. Allow your inner warrior to ignore, ignore and ignore some more until they start to feel like they don’t exist. Learn to stand alone. Learn to enjoy your own company. Once of the most powerful thing you can do for your self-esteem and self-worth is to practice being alone. Take some time each month to just stay by yourself, do something that you love. Paint, listen to music, dance, but you have to do it alone. I was once told that I was dangerous, when I asked the person why they said that, their response was because I don’t need anyone. I said to the person, it’s not that I don’t need anyone, it’ just that I have no problem being alone.
The truth is we need people because life’s road can be challenging and very difficult to navigate alone. Our social world places us in position to meet those people (if we so wish) Some will like us, some will dislike us (sometimes for no reason at all), some will find us beautiful, some will hate us because of who we are and some will give us the world.
Our job is to decipher who is genuine and who is not so that the complexities of life can be somewhat simplified by genuinely helping hands and caring hearts. You also have to love yourself and make sure you allow no one to mess with your head. Remember it’s a cold world out there. Protect your peace, protect your self-worth. “Never chase love, affection or attention, if it isn’t given freely by another person, it isn’t worth having.” Until next time peeps, keep calm, blog on and make sure you share this one.
enjoyed this read!
Beautiful post! I had to learn this last year, and am still learning it a bit to this day. I’ve learned to appreciate the single life and being alone, enjoying my own company. I love what you said, “It’s not that I don’t need anyone, it’s just that I don’t have a problem being alone.” I also enjoy the dropcaps at the beginning of each paragraph, really adds an interesting detail to that side of the page 🙂
Thank you…Yes it’s step by step…day by day
I’ve been dealing with this with a friend of 15 years lately, so this could not have been a more perfect read. Great post!
Hope everything works out in your favour
Great article!
Oh my…I really liked this post. These advice will certainly make you a stronger person, mentally. I like how you said “don’t envy them don’t wish them bad, just let them go” so powerful and pure.
this is seriously a valuable post.
chasing people is really the worst thing you can do.
I believe that there are a lot of worthwhile things to do than chasing someone who is not into you.
thanks for sharing your knowledge.
Such a good post- very inspirational.
Very good advice! I’ve been down that road too, and I also discovered that giving my power away to someone else who didn’t really care, wasn’t doing me any good. Once I learned to own my power and live life for me, I experienced true happiness and, funnily enough, ended up meeting the love of my life.
that’s beautiful
Beautiful post. Love yourself!!! Don’t let anyone mess with you. You do have that inner strength in you to rise up. 🙌🏻
Great relaxing reading. Enjoyed a lot and it carries lots of truth. Thanks
Definately a great read with a lot of truth and understanding. Will make me a better and stronger person!
I love this post, your writing style, and authenticity! So much truth in here. Thank you for sharing.
Wow, your post is amazing and hits home. I enjoyed reading your post and your words are so inspiring and positive. You post has a feel good vibes theme to it and it’s very lovely. Beautiful and uplifiting words.
Thank you all for taking the time out of your busy day to read my post. I am grateful!
Yeeeeeeessssss. All of this.
I so much enjoyed reading this post. Thank you so much for sharing.
This is so inspirational 💚💚
It is a hard process sometimes but learning to love yourself you will begin to realize those people don’t deserve you.
I agree. Unfortunately, hindsight is 20/20. There will come a day when I will try to advise my kids from my experience and yet they will say I don’t understand.
LOL