You Never Truly Know Someone Until You Say No To Them
As the saying goes, you never really know a person until you say no to them. Have that ever happened to you? You and someone, it could be anyone, a friend, a spouse, a family member, you guys are going really well. You do things for them and they may or may not do things for you. But that’s beside the point, you are still ok with each other. One day out of all the favours that you have said yes to, you decided to say no to this particular one. Not because you wanted to be mean or because you were tired of saying yes but simply because you were not able to fulfill their request. So you said no.
You explained why you are unable to grant their request but they weren’t satisfied with your response. Then that particular individual started becoming cold towards you. They reduce their contact and suddenly became distant. You are now left wondering what you have done wrong. You even went as far as questioning yourself as to whether they have given you something and is now asking for it to be returned. Is it not your things they are asking for? You may even start to regret the answer that you’ve given and probably contacted that particular individual to change your response. You are uncertain of what it is but something definitely happened for them to be behaving in that manner.
This happened to me before. A friend of mine asked me to lend her some money and I told her not this time. She had borrowed money from me in the past and has always returned it. So I certainly didn’t have a problem lending it to her. According to her, she was low on her rent and needed extra to make it up. Just prior to the due date of her rent, she was having a grand time vacationing in the Caribbean. How I found out? Good ol’ social media. LOL
Now there is absolutely nothing wrong with taking a vacation in the Caribbean but not if you are unable to pay your rent when you return. And this is one of the many problems with social media, people go on vacations, post all their good times and return home with no money in the bank account. If you can afford it by all means, go ahead. It’s beautiful to travel and see the world.
Anyhow, this person has children and I strongly believe that when you have children you should always ensure that they are secure. As a parent, that is your duty, especially when your children are unable to take care of themselves. So out of sheer disappointment, and are-you-kidding-me stance, I decided to say no. Let me tell you she went distant on me, we had no arguments, no disagreements, nothing. It happened after I said no.
Another story. I know someone who does not like to give anyone a ride in the morning or in the evening to and from work. So when a colleague car had broken down and she requested her assistance to get to work in the morning and home in the evening, she was not keen on it. She is not a mean person but she lives with her kids and spouse and she said that the mornings and evenings are reserved for going and coming from work in peace. So she enjoyed driving alone as her children are at home and co-workers are at work. LOL.
This was her time to unwind and be alone with herself and her thoughts. Understandable right? Well not quite if you were the person needing the ride. LOL The spin on this story was she felt bad and asked someone who came from the same direction and didn’t mind to give her co-worker a ride. So all became well in that land and they are still friends to date.
Have you ever said no to someone? How did it go? Will you ever say no again?
The fact is sometimes the answer will be no. The other fact is, you have to accept it. People the world over have a problem saying no. Some people really don’t though and let’s be honest they are not well liked. So do we say yes for the purpose of being liked? And are you able to accept no from one person but not from another? Because somehow when certain people say no, we are ok and when others say no, we are upset. This is just one situation, there are countless others like when the guy comes to your door to sell you something and you are not interested in what they are offering. That one you can easily say no to right? You don’t know the person and you don’t care if they feel bad. Not only that, you are under the impression that they are accustomed to hearing no thanks, so what’s another no going to do to him/her. What if that person is really good-looking, do you feel obligated to say yes to them? Because studies conclude that people are more likely to accept or give a positive response to someone who they find very attractive…Hmmm. Nevertheless, there will be times when you want to say no whether it’s because you don’t have it or you simply don’t want to say yes. Those times are a little difficult for most of us, so here are 5 powerful tips to help you say no politely and confidently because we are not all made from the same fiber-saying no without looking back.
1. Disarm the person
Let them know you would be happy to do this favour for them but you are unable to at this time. You may want to provide a legitimate rationale for this like all my bills are due at the beginning /end of the month so there is no room for loaning. Just so that the person understand that you want to help them, you are just not able to do it at this particular time. The fact that they understand that you want to help them, just not this time, will not upset them as much.
2. Help them by recommending someone else
See if there is someone or somewhere they can go. Depending on what they are asking you to do, you may be able to recommend someone. In the story above, she didn’t want to drive her co-worker to and from work so she found someone who would be able to assist her. So if you are able to find an alternative, most people will appreciate it as you made the effort to help them.
Some people are also not able to say no when they are offered something they don’t want. For example, I know someone who always says yes when someone offers them food but never eats it. Instead she takes it home and throws it in her garbage. Keep in mind that not everyone who takes your food actually eats it. A good way of recommending someone for this one is by saying something like this, “No but thanks for thinking about me. I know someone else who really like your pie, I will offer it to them.”
3. Buy yourself some time.
Sometimes you don’t have to say yes right away. Let the person know that you need some time to think about it and you will get back to them. Prepare yourself with what you have to say and say it confidently. Be very polite. And if you are not strong enough to say no and forget it, make sure your delivery is very courteous. Nowadays texting has become the main form of communicating, so if you are not able to say it face to face, texting might be an alternative, since it’s not so personal. You won’t be able to see their expression or response when you say no. They might even ghost you for a while but at least you were able to say, not today. For example, “I thought about what you requested and I’m not able to fulfil it. I am very sorry and I hope you get the help you need.”
4. Negotiate/Meet them half way
It all depends on what the request is but try to negotiate a deal. For example, if they want to borrow money let’s say about $2000 but you only have $1000, let them know that you are not able to do it all but you can meet them half-way. This will definitely lighten the load for them, even though it was not the full amount that they asked for. When this happens people will still talk to you as you’ve definitely tried to assist them.
5. Just say no without any bad feelings
Just say no and forget it. Don’t think about it, don’t go back and try to fix it. Just say no. This might be the hardest to do and it takes a very strong person with a very strong heart to do it. There are people out there like this though. They will look you straight in the eyes, say no and feel absolutely no way about it. Most of us will say no and then turn around and then say yes. Or if they are unable to do it will make it up with some other deed. But this is where you will have to take a stance and just don’t care. I find when you do this people are more likely to remain your friend simply because you did not change, so in a way you do not appear wishy washy but rather firm. Also don’t assume that they are going to be upset with you because you said no to them, continue to talk to them as if nothing took place. You may notice some change in their behaviour, but that is not your problem. LOL
So there you have it, 5 powerful ways to say no politely. It’s never an easy thing to do but sometimes it has to be done. Don’t feel bad when you have to. Whether it’s your time or your things, sometimes the answer will be no. And remember too that sometimes you will hear no, when you do, don’t be surprise and don’t be upset either. People don’t have to help you in life. A matter a fact, I feel the only people you are obligated to help are your children. So if someone do lend a hand, be thankful and if they don’t, still be thankful. How are some of the ways you say no? Comment below and share your thoughts. A shop has also been added to Inspirations Boulevard. Check it out by clicking on the icon below. So until next time peeps, keep calm blog on and use the share buttons below to share this one.
Great article
Saying no is definitely a great skill to learn, and not as easy as it sounds. But the older I get the easier it gets. 😊
I agree. I think as you get older, you don’t care much
Thank you for sharing this
Thank you for visiting and reading
I love this! All good advice!
I’m grateful. Thanks for visiting
Saying no is SUCH an important life lesson! Thanks for sharing these great tips
Thank you for visiting
I like the option of saying no but recommending other people, I think it is a tough one because you don’t want it to look like you are throwing people under the bus, but at the same time you are still helpful and offer the person another point of contact!
Good tips! I work at a hospital and I used to always pick up extra shifts when asked! Saying no, made me feel guilty because I want to be a team player. But I soon found that I was wearing myself out and it wasn’t good self care. So I learned to say no, and later learned also that I don’t owe anyone justification. The meet halfway tip worked well there, too, as I would agree to do half a shift. Thanks!
You have written it very clearly. I agree, most of the time, it is really hard to politely decline, specially so if you are not in the position to provide the help needed by the person.
We just have to learn to be honest and hope that whatever answer we may give them will be acceptable, but if not, at least we tried to say what we can and can’t do.
These are some awesome tips, particularly the last one. I mean, really you have every right to say “No”. I definitely feel for you about the friend who would go on vacation without the money and then request to lend money from you.
Astrid would like you to read…Creating Lately: A Bracelet, Body Butter and Lip Scrub
Thank you
Great tips. Always a pleasure reading your blogs. I see that you have added a shop too. Really nice. Will definitely be patronizing it, especially for my little one
Finally you wrote another blog LOL. It’s good as usual. Love your online shop too. All the best with it
I think about people saying yes to food and then not eating it!
LOL…I know right
I really agree with your point about not really knowing someone until you say no to them. That is so true! Some people graciously accept your no, and others turn into monsters! Great advice!
Lisa would like you to read…Sister, Stop Torturing Yourself With The Baby Showers!
Oh, the power of saying “no” to protect your time. I’m still learning this skill, but your tips were right on track. The one about buying yourself some time is something I’m trying to do now.
LOL
Good advice
Jenny would like you to read…5 Movies That Portray The Passion Of An Artist Beautifully
Yes, I agree with some of the comments above. The more you age the more it’s easier to say no. Lol. It’s just sad when some of the people we say no and get distant in just a whim are some of our closest friends, or family even. Well, that’s just the way it is. Great article! 🙂
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Great article. Thank you
It’s really useful
Fantastic advice. More people need to read this article!
Thank you for your kind words
Very well written. I am really trying to work to get to number 5. but I am not there yet…LOL
your shopping page is quite refreshing…I love some of those sayings on the tops…They are so positive. Will definitely be supporting…Good luck
Yes, thank you
Great advice, thank you for sharing! Saying no is hard, but this gives some realistic ways to do it.
Great article. thanks for sharing