Inside every person you know, there is a person you don’t know” ~Unknown~
Do your friends and family actually know who you are? If your family and friends were to write a biography about you, would they have the same information? Would your friend have more accurate information or would your family? How about your spouse? You should try this. It would be quite interesting to see the self that you portray with the different groups. It might even be astonishing for you, simply because you were not aware that your behaviour/personality differs depending on who you are with. So give it a shot. Ask your relatives, spouse and friends to describe your character in a few words, inform them to be honest, then compare what they wrote. See if there is a person inside you that they don’t know. This will also determine if you have more than one authentic self as Psychologists state.
According to psychology, we have many selves. These selves are contingent on where you are, the people you are with and when you are alone. Now according to this theory we display different selves. So when you are with your friends, that’s one self, when you are alone, that’s another self and so forth. Take a moment and think for a second when you are alone. What do you do? These things that you do, are you able to replicate them when you are in the presence of another person?
What Are You Hiding?
For example, I know someone who is an avid smoker, but her co-workers have never seen her smoke, simply because she refrains from smoking at work. So when a colleague at work discovered that she smokes after working with her for several years, they were shocked beyond belief. Now there is nothing shocking about smoking, it’s not like it’s prostitution and that also depends on who you ask. Nevertheless, they were shocked that she concealed that aspect of herself so well. The thing is, she brought a different self to work. She clearly did not want anyone of her co-workers to know about her smoking-self (no pun intend). There is another person I know. She is Jewish, and guess what her parents and siblings are unaware that she is the most “un-Jewish” person around.
As human beings we come from all walks of life, and as a result we are equipped with different views (political, religious), different morals and values that are acquired through socialization from wherever we’ve been raised. Society have a way of normalizing and frowning upon certain behaviours. As a consequence of that, we are conditioned through positive (reward) and negative (punishment) reinforcement to execute these behaviours or refrain from them. For example, as girls you are supposed to cross your legs in public. If not, you may be considered deviant depending on where you are located. All these experiences shape our personality but soon enough we will come to realize that many of these socially constructed rules about how we should conduct ourselves fly in and out the door. In the door when you are with certain people and out the door when you are with others.
What
I feel sometimes society forces us to have different selves. Probably we don’t want to hide our authentic self but due to backlash or punishment we believe we might receive, we hide our true selves, not all of us though. For example, I was on vacation in Cuba and I was sitting around a rectangular table while having lunch on an excursion. Beside me was an older couple, old enough to be my parents. While I was downing my food (I was soooo huuuunnngry) the man beside me just lets out a huge wind and then another.
The???
I was soooooooo annoyed. And he didn’t even flinch. Like didn’t society teach him not to do that out loud in public? Was that his authentic self, or he just couldn’t control his bodily functions? I don’t know but let’s just say that’s him, when he wants to fart, he just let loose. Are you like that? Most of us wouldn’t do that and if that happens, it would be so embarrassing. But when you’re alone, that’s another story right? You let them out like nobody’s business. LOL
Disguised Identities
We are taught early that if we want to be apart of certain groups we have to behave a certain way. So all this socialization has impacted us in ways that make us disguise our true identities and only those we completely trust get the opportunity to see who we truly are. Unless you are rebellious and don’t give a whaaaaat. It’s no wonder people don’t often get to see the real you. There is even the saying that there is a time and place for everything. And to some extent that is true but you are kind of imprisoning yourself if you truly want to express your true self wherever and whenever.
Why?
When should you hide your true self? Why do you hide your true self? For example, I have seen with my two eyes, people who utilize the washroom at work and they leave without washing their hands. Now they left because they didn’t notice that I saw them but another time when they’ve realized that I am there, they stopped to wash their hands. I can probably guess that they don’t wash their hands when they use their washroom at their homes, after all no one is there to see them. So is their true self the self that doesn’t like to wash their hands or they are just dirty? On a serious note, with this Corona virus going around, they better wash those damn hands. ( serious face) Click here to purchase skincare products that are 100% pure.
Living a Lie
So many questions when it comes to identifying the real you and I. What this means is that we are constantly living a lie and we are not doing what we truly want to do. Why? Because we fear judgement, punishment and/or embarrassment. So the people who are truly living are those who have reached a dangerously serious level of “I don’t care.” So maybe it’s the fact that we actually care what others think that makes us behave according to established standards. I mean, we definitely need standards and guidelines on how to live or else this world would be a chaotic mess. It is already chaotic despite all the morals, rules and standards that we have. So probably societal norms are actually good for us.
The World is a Stage
Shakespeare once said that “All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players.” So I guess based on the situation, the people, the time, the place, we continue to act out our role. So we behave one way at work, another on vacation and yet another at a religious institution. I guess society do force us to behave in ways that are pleasing to others, not ourselves. Here is another question for you, when you look down on someone because their financial status is not similar to yours or because you feel you are better, is this the real you? Because I am quite certain you don’t behave that way with those you consider your equals.
Another Question
If someone comes to work in a bad mood everyday and when you say hello to them, they don’t answer, however this person is being their authentic self, is that ok? Because the fact remains, being civil is important and anger is a negative expression of behavior, so would you still give that person the green light for being their true self or would you just blame it on the fact that it’s early in the morning and people do get a little moody at this time of the day? In my opinion, negativity is frowned upon so if you are authentically negative…then…hmmm…you got problems…lol
Practice Kindness
What else can you do? You just try to control yourself and behave in ways that are kind and courteous to others. Kindness and courtesy doesn’t require a time or a place, therefore carry it with you everywhere. it will help to make the world a better place. Be kind to yourself first and you will also be kind to others. Someone once told me that you can’t give what you don’t have. So instill kindness and respect in yourself and it will be easily transferred from you to others. Also remember that we are human and sometimes our anger can get the best of us. Rest assured that you are not a bad person. Apologize if you must and keep it moving. Read blog on why you should speak kindly to yourself.
Just Live
So after all, I guess we do have to modify our behavior as we change scenes, sometimes you’re going to be the police and another time the criminal…lol, not literally but I hope you get where I’m going. Often times, we question people authentic self, but the truth is sometimes we really don’t know what is happening in that person’s life and simply what they don’t want others to know. As such, carry on with your many selves. Your happiness is contingent on you, and if having many selves makes you happy, then so be it. The thing is we can’t bring the same behaviour everywhere we go. There is indeed a time and place for everything. And as a result, there will always be an aspect of someone that you don’t know. That’s life. Just live yours the best way you can and take no one and nothing for granted. As I am writing this at a time that a tragedy has taken place, I would like to say Rest In Peace to the legend Kobe Bryant, his daughter Gigi and all those who perished in that fateful helicopter crash on 26/01/2020. Until next time peeps, keep calm and blog on and wash those palms.
Hmmm…interesting
Yes I agree, we need to just live. It kind of hard with what’s going on right now…
For real this corona virus is deadly. Never knew this kind of event would take place in my lifetime. Be sure to read my next blog. Posting soon
I like your blogs inspirations boulevard. I agree with Shakespeare, the world is a stage. We all have different roles to play
Thank you Christine. I will be posting soon
I have many selves..it’s really hard to just have one…can’t let everyone know everything about you. lol It is what it is. The guy in Cuba was really bold though..LOL. Nice blog site, if I didn’t say that before.
Yes he was too bold. Thank you
Seriously nice blog site. Your blogs are so good. You should link up with Upwork to do freelance writing…
Awww…Thanks Maureen. I will check it out..